shipping wars

hey tumblr when are you going to make personifications of ups and fedex to ship

you were saying

oh no

oh yes

now where’s the fanfic?

FedEx and UPS lay together, enjoying the warmth of each other’s bodies.

“I sure hope this lasts longer than 5 to 7 business days” UPS thought as he laid his head against FedEx’s shoulder.

“But what if we get caught?” asked FedEx, resting his head on UPS’ chest. “We won’t” UPS assured him. “But we’ve been doing this for 8 days now! They must know something has hap-” FedEx started, but he was cut off by a firm kiss. 

“You’re forgetting that today is Sunday. we don’t deliver on weekends, so we still have two days together.” UPS said, smiling slyly. FedEx stared into UPS’ eyes. ‘Two days,’ FedEx thought, ‘Two whole days left.’

“I know how we can make ample use of our time,” said FedEx, kissing UPS’ neck gently. “And we can start right now.” he finished. FedEx kissed UPS’ neck once more before moving to his collar bones. He continued down UPS’ abdomen, pausing every so often.

Beneath the sheet, FedEx could feel…

his package

JFC tumblr, for a second I thought I couldn’t love you anymore, then you pull something like this.